In a world dominated by aesthetics, status, and curated lifestyles, it’s easy to mistake the glitter of appearances for the gold of genuine connection. Many women (and men, too) find themselves captivated not by the person they’re with, but by the lifestyle that person offers. It’s an alluring mirage: the dinners at exclusive restaurants, the designer handbags, the jet-set weekends, and the envy of others. But here’s the uncomfortable truth — lifestyle isn’t love, and confusing the two is a recipe for disconnection, dissatisfaction, and a hollow sense of “having it all.”
Just yesterday, I was listening to one of South Africa’s popular female TV hosts as a guest on a well-known podcast. During the conversation, she proudly admitted to being with a guy who, in her own words, has “less value” or “less game” because he gives her money. She even went as far as saying, “You can do a lot with R100k.”
The way I interpreted it, she was openly stating that she’s willing to settle for a man who brings less to the table emotionally or otherwise, as long as he has money. What struck me even more was how both the host and the guest laughed at the comment, as if it were a widely accepted and even celebrated perspective.
To me, this is deeply troubling. These are influential figures, people young South African women look up to, and they’re normalizing the idea that financial gain outweighs genuine connection or love. Is it any surprise, then, that so many of today’s young women are following this philosophy, leading to a generation in crisis?
We see it everywhere: teenage moms at 16, with absent fathers, struggling with broken minds and bodies, desperately seeking attention or a “blesser” to fund their lives. It’s a cycle that keeps repeating, with some even ending up in places like Dubai, flaunting expensive bags and jewelry but with no meaningful job or purpose in sight.
And here’s the kicker — most of these so-called celebrities promoting this lifestyle end up single again. It’s a revolving door of relationships built on shaky foundations. #JustSaying
What happened to the days of writing love songs, bringing roses, standing outside someone’s window singing your heart out, and making a fool of yourself just to prove your love? Those days now seem like relics of a time long past, reduced to nothing more than nostalgic tales.
It’s sad, really. Genuine love, connection, and the beauty of shared vulnerability are being replaced by transactional relationships. And the ripple effect of these mindsets, especially when amplified by influential voices, is shaping a generation with misplaced priorities.
The Lifestyle Trap
Think about it. A lifestyle is a series of external conditions — wealth, comfort, luxury. It’s an experience, not a relationship. But when someone chooses a partner for their ability to sustain this experience, they reduce that person to a means to an end.
What happens when the thrill of “living the dream” becomes mundane? When the dinners blur into one another, and the material things lose their novelty? The human connection — or lack thereof — surfaces. And for many, this realization hits like a tidal wave. They were never in love with the person; they were in love with the lifestyle.
Love: The Antidote to the Mirage
Love is messy, raw, and real. It’s not found in a penthouse suite but in the late-night conversations about your fears and dreams. It’s not in the car he drives but in how he makes you feel seen, heard, and valued. Love is in the way two people grow together — not because they have everything, but because they are everything to each other.
Falling for a person requires looking past their bank account and into their heart. It demands that you ask yourself:
- Do I admire their character?
- Can I respect how they treat others?
- Do we share values, visions, and a sense of purpose?
Lifestyle Will Fade, Love Will Endure
Here’s the thing: lifestyles are transient. Jobs change, economies falter, fortunes come and go. A love built on lifestyle will crumble the moment the foundation shifts. But a love built on authenticity, shared growth, and emotional intimacy? That endures the storm.
When you love someone for who they are, their lifestyle becomes a bonus — not the foundation of your connection. A rich life is one where the person beside you makes the simple moments feel profound, not one where material wealth fills the void of a disconnected partnership.
Choose the Person, Not the Lifestyle
Society will always sell you the idea that success and happiness come from external markers — the big house, the luxury vacations, the picture-perfect life. But the most meaningful connections are built in the spaces those markers can’t touch.
So, before you let yourself be swept away by the lifestyle someone offers, ask yourself: “If all of this disappeared tomorrow, would I still choose them?” If the answer is no, you’re in love with a mirage, not a person.
True fulfillment comes from aligning with someone whose values, energy, and essence resonate with your own. Not because they give you a better lifestyle, but because they make your life better just by being in it.
And that, my friend, is the kind of love worth waiting for.
What If You Can Have Both?
Here’s a thought: what if you didn’t have to choose between love and lifestyle? What if you could create both — not by depending on someone else to give it to you, but by building it together with the person you truly love?
Imagine this: you fall in love with someone not because of what they can give you, but because of who they are. Their values align with yours. Their vision excites you. Their presence makes you feel alive. Now, instead of settling into a dynamic where you passively receive, you step into a partnership where you actively create. Together, you don’t just enjoy a lifestyle — you build a legacy.
This path isn’t always glamorous. It requires time, effort, and often a willingness to learn new skills. Maybe you start your own business, pursue a passion project, or acquire knowledge that empowers you to contribute meaningfully to the life you’re building together. It’s not about becoming a billionaire overnight; it’s about cultivating independence, resilience, and the pride that comes from knowing you’re not just along for the ride — you’re steering the ship with your partner.
The Beauty of Co-Creation
Building something together with someone you love is an entirely different kind of fulfillment. It’s not just about wealth; it’s about the journey of creating a life that reflects both of your values and dreams. It’s about celebrating each milestone together — not because one person made it happen, but because you both did.
When you achieve something on your own — whether it’s financial stability, personal growth, or business success — the feeling is incomparable. You realize that you don’t need someone to “save” you or provide for you. Instead, you become a partner in the truest sense, someone who brings equal value to the relationship.
Why This Matters
This independence doesn’t just benefit you; it strengthens your relationship. When you’re not dependent on someone for your lifestyle, you remove the pressure and expectations that often erode love. Your partner knows you’re with them because of who they are, not what they can provide.
And in return, they’ll admire you even more. There’s something magnetic about a person who is confident, driven, and capable of standing on their own two feet. Together, you become an unstoppable force — a team that uplifts, inspires, and builds something greater than either of you could alone.
Worth the Effort
Yes, this journey requires effort. It might mean stepping out of your comfort zone, taking risks, or making sacrifices. But the sense of accomplishment — of knowing you built something meaningful alongside someone you truly love — is worth every moment of discomfort.
So ask yourself: why settle for a mirage when you can create a masterpiece? Why choose between love and lifestyle when you can have both? The answer lies in the person you choose, the skills you cultivate, and the courage you summon to build the life you truly deserve.
When you take that bold step of choosing yourself and pursuing what you truly love and need, the right person will come into your life at the perfect time. And who knows? If you’re lucky, they might even write you a song—or better yet, an entire book!
